warning. the following contains sarcasm and blunt honesty. viewers discretion & adult beverage advised.
Have you ever had one of those years where you said "what kind of year was THAT? are my limbs still in tact?"
no? well, lucky you.
I promise I won't rant. James & I have a lot to be grateful for...for starters, we made it through 2011 still married. But, I'm not gonna lie....it was tough. real tough. ugly things started to emerge, like hate, apathy, chaos, nomadic-ism, and the occasional budget crunch.
I didn't signup for this.
So, with disappointment leading my thoughts.....the year rolled on as one would guess.....negatively. The have nots overshadowed the haves. The stress of said struggle stripped away my health. I'd have 3 days of super suburban hero mom productivity ....then 6 days of lethargy. When the kids started school in the fall I had BIG PLANS. All 3 boys off to the world of academia and I was to "Carpe Diem". My body had other ideas. I lost my appetite and fell asleep on the couch for over a week. Add a 30 day notice to move and the uneasy feeling that renting might be more long term than hoped and voila! I disintegrated.
Now, yes, my troubles are small...and yes, I have a great husband and 3 awesomely wonderful sons....to sum that up...I have a wonderful life. It was just a "not so wonderful year" mixed with a crappy attitude & ever failing arguments over where our lives were headed. sucky. very sucky indeed. It's like a car without a driver...on a mountain road....in a blizzard.....and we're too stunned to park and put chains on. how's that for an analogy.
so, with the swift flick of my wand all our problems went away. I turned my frown upside-down. We made lemonade out of lemons. HA! that was the movie version, kids.
In reality, we are still facing the hard truths. The truth that marriage is work. The truth that we don't know how to do life "happy" all the time and that must be learned. The truth that pure love is not easy to dish out. Embracing these truths will help us grasp perspective & direction & the steering wheel of this so called life. We both long for a unified marriage & more love &, heck, more "indoor sport". We will get there. eventually.
Now, I mentioned 3 sons. well, I'll post a picture, k? I could boast about their flag football careers and their reading achievements, or even how exceptionally smart they are, especially at video gaming.....but, I'm not going there this year. It's not about the kids. It's about our marriage. Without it our kids would be lost and we would be quitters.
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