The Howorth Family Annual Post 2013

As I sit in a silent home and grab the opportunity to write....I stall. What do I possibly have to write about? I am hardly inspired. I simply have a quiet opportunity to do so....and the lingering duty of documenting our annual Christmas letter...for which I will be needing a tardy slip. Last night I saw a friend's post on Instagram which sums up my feelings for the year....."Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone." -Lin Yutang

The practice of "letting go" is my theme for the this past year. We said our goodbyes much to soon to my mother who died February 2nd. Her life ended well, in her sleep, peacefully. She was 65. It was an unforeseen event that shocked all of us and confronted all of us. I felt powerless, I wanted to do something to change the outcome. She left her mark in this world and with so many people. I want more marks..... She is gone. Let go. 

Our oldest son, Tim, is now 13. (Let go). He is far more mature than he needs to be. He is caught up in skateboarding at the moment. He is daring & courageous. And, just like every other sport he attempts, he is extremely talented. I really enjoy his presence...just having him in the room or sharing an inside joke is pure joy in my heart.

Toby, our 10 year old, is in tackle rugby this season. (Let go). We were surprised at the season opener scrimmage....our little toothpick is a scrapper. He tackled big opponents without a second thought. I couldn't help but consider his thought process..."got a job to do. so do it." Off the field he is everyone's friend. At home he is our "manny". He is the most nurturing big brother to his baby sister. My heart swells knowing there is a lot of love in him.

Tyler is now 6 1/2. He started touch rugby. (Let go a little). He is our introvert. Able to play alone and make the mundane a playground. He is a happy guy with creative ideas. He is also learning to speak up for himself since he is at the bottom of the pecking order. He still needs us for bedtime tucking, though, which some days can be an adorable way to complete a day's work. 

Our baby girl, Tori, is 1. Gosh she is cute. She has a sweetness in her that softens even the most rugged of personalities. Babies have great understanding and she shows that everyday by sorting things or taking things to the trash. If she gets the remote or phone she thinks she is "bigtime". Our family is complete.

James is still the one to seek for home loans and personal finance advice. I am impressed with his tenacity, always. It is not an easy business. But, like all challenges in life, it is rewarding. James went on a few adventures this year, too. (Yes...let go). He went on a short term mission trip to Mozambique and served the local children & villages. He & Toby went on a spontaneous hiking trip to Yosemite with friends. This was a huge blessing for my man since he had not ever been there before! I am so native that fact still blows my mind. Then in November he got a long weekend away in Colorado with church buddies. He is blessed.

As for me, I am at a loss for words. I love what I do and I do what I love. It has to be that simple or I would lose my mind. Adventures await me, projects call my name, but I am settled in these moments of the "noble art of leaving things undone". 

Merry Christmastime ;o) and Happy New Year! May you all experience Love in new ways, Joy in new moments, and Hope in the new year.

Love Always, Stefani

homeschool 101

I'd like to think that I am writing this post to help others explore the topic of homeschooling, but the reality is I am probably needing to hear myself reason. It is a vast, explorable topic that is fresh and current for any modern mom. It is worth a look or two just for the sake of understanding the homeschool genre. And for those who are seriously considering homeschool options, a world of opportunities and resources await you. Here is my experience....

I decided to bring my 3rd grader home mid year to get a hands on idea of what homeschooling really involved. He was doing very well in school. But, I knew he could accomplish more. I also knew that it wasn't a critical academic year for him and if I failed, he would, at the very least, still know his math facts. 

I have been open to homeschooling since before I had kids. I had tossed the idea around for years and met with ESs (educational supervisors) and other homeschooling moms. I am really drawn to the whole idea.  I even called myself a "closet homeschool mom" since I would require geography, reading, and math over the summers. Even after all my inquiries and interviews of those in homeschool circles, I still hadn't a true grasp of what it was all about. What does it take to be a homeschool mom? Would I juggle all 4 kids' subject loads? Will I ever have a home with the idyllic homeschool room dedicated to the betterment of my special little offspring? I decided "the ideal time may not ever arrive, so, let's give it a go & give it my best." We started homeschooling in January. We started small. My neighbor down the street homeschools her 5 kids, pre K to Freshman, so I had my own personal mentor on a regular basis. We called her my "Obi Wan". I figured I would just follow her model and tweak things to fit our preferences. If I was really serious about this for the future, I would launch out on my own then. But, for the initial trial, why not just mirror a successful model? She introduced me to some wonderful resources and one of the Public Charter Schools. This allowed me to teach what I would like within the 6 subjects (Math, Language Arts, Social Science, Science, Life Skills, and Special Interest) required by the State of California. I signed up with the Charter School and received funds for approved supplemental classes, materials, learning tools, etc. I personally gravitated to unit studies and enjoyed learning alongside my son. We studied California's Gold Rush, Oceans, Easter, Auto Racing, and finished with a virtual study on Germany. Also, every Monday he attended supplemental classes (Science, Art, PE) and I was pleased to have the extra science class to support what we did at home.

• My Pros & Cons

The GREAT thing about homeschooling is if you want to explore the infinite topics of your interest....YOU CAN. It is limitless. If you want to take field trips for every interest that arises....YOU CAN. If your child loses interest with one topic you can move on to what does captivate them. If your child remains intrigued by a certain aspect of study you can dive deeper. It is a great pace. The unfortunate reality is I couldn't follow through on some of those extra awesome endeavors or spend the endless moments hovering over the aspects that captivated him. I shyed away from science experiments in my kitchen. We had all intentions of beginning each day with physical activity, but most days were in front of a computer for 2 1/2 hours. I missed recess. He said he didn't, but I know he needed breaks. I fell short in offering art supplies and art direction. I would've loved to have taken more field trips, too. We intend to follow through on some leftover items like skyping our friend who lives in Germany. That would be a techy way to finish up that study, how fun! We'll see if I get to it....it is now mid June.

• Reinventing the Wheel

Often my son would say "oh, we did this in Ms. Kelly's class..." or "yeah, Mrs. Milan was reading this to us...." I ended up questioning myself and my obvious unwarranted doubt in the education provided by the our public school. We have had wonderful experiences at 3 different public schools in our area (we had moved a lot in the recent years). My boys always had high marks and were enjoying the public school experience for the most part (there is the common complaint that "I hate school" or "school is boring"). In order to provide an outstanding difference I had to provide something outstanding. Otherwise, I was simply accomplishing what the public school was accomplishing, with the exception that my son wore his pjs past 10:00a and he really did love his teacher.

• Schedules... Pick Your Poison

The whole experience was a treasure, a treasure in a very heavy chest. It takes commitment, discipline, and effort. Yes, there is an attractive freedom. There is not an outside source setting a schedule, but, you have to be diligent with homeschooling and you end up with a schedule all your own. Our mornings started after the other 2 were off to school and IF the babe was on her way to a nap. Otherwise I was juggling. My son did a software program for math and was self directed with that. Then we would sit together and read through the interactive unit study. If I needed to steal away, he would work on his own....look up vocabulary words, or take a math facts quiz, or do a workbook called "Word A Day", stuff like that. I had to keep on him and train him to be self disciplined. This was the most wearisome part for me. I found that I spent my mornings patrolling him. Some mornings he would surprise me with some self motivated ambition, but, most of the time I had to be vigilant. He did find solace in reading, which helped. For the most part, our mornings were dedicated to his studies. If I ran errands or chose to do something for myself, his work slipped away into oblivion. We managed to make some compromises, like going out for a morning coffee (for me) and a bagel (for him) and we'd bring the mini ipad since they provided WiFi. We would be able to investigate things pertaining to the unit study or watch educational episodes, like Brain Pop, Jr. We affectionately referred to this as "going to the office". 

• Take Your Supplements

By the end of our 6 month experiment I sat on a figurative fence. I struggled with loving the idea of homeschooling vs. loving a well balanced life. I gave up a lot of good things to devote myself to my child's studies. Some may see that as noble. I gave up weekly grocery shopping and meal planning, weekly bible study, and sometimes daily hygiene, to name a few. My husband & I did not see this as noble. We saw this as foolish. If our homschooling resulted with an average student, malnourished family, an uninspired woman, and an unattractive wife.....what was the point? Now, this is my experience. I believe I did this whole thing without a true calling to it. Those who have, what Christians refer to as, a "calling" are not performing in vain. I have exponential reverence for that. I have watched some of my friends homeschool over the years and have only applause and admiration for them. They thrived, as well as their children, and benefitted beyond measure. I see evidence of their "calling". I also experienced times in my life where I had true peace in what I was doing. I was a swim instructor with my own business and contracts with pools. Several years of business and not one check bounced. I considered this a sign of grace and peace over my work. I had confidence in what I was doing and that I was doing what I was made for. That was a "calling". This became the litmus test for my life decisions. I always look for signs of peace in the midst of my work. Not the absence of challenge, but the evidence of peace. I had very little peace during this past 6 months. That was undeniable. It is a desire of my heart to expand my kids' academic exposure. I also have the desire for confident peace. That peace that assures you "yes, this is what you are supposed to be doing" and "don't give up or give in" and "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here". The past 6 months seemed hectic. So, with the support of my husband who was neutral, really, and left the decision up to me, I decided not to homeschool during the elementary years. I am more than happy with their public educations, programs, and sense of community at that level. I will continue to supplement their academics during the summer. I thoroughly enjoy supplementing and find it a creative outlet for me, as well. As for the Jr High experience I have left homeschooling as an option for all my kids. My oldest son wants to come home for a year and then return for 8th grade. Even he is aware there are programs that he wants to take part in both at home and the following public school year. I am fully supportive of his wishes and looking forward to expanding his horizons. Not to mention, I don't mind him dodging that awkward middle school grief.

I believe it was Doug Fields that said "you have to say 'no' to some good things in order to say 'yes' to great things". I found peace in my decision. I am so glad that my husband smiles upon my decision, too. When you take on your heart's dream it is always a blessing that your spouse is an encouragement. There is a still, small voice in me that is re-awakening, re-emerging from a dormant season of duty and demand. I stifled this voice for a season. Crowded it out with ceaseless activity. Another quote I heard during this trial was "We can spend a lifetime on the urgent and miss the important" (Mary Southerland). This struck a chord in me. That voice is now reminding me that I am uniquely gifted. There are great things ahead for me and my family. I have a fun, enchanting future awaiting me. I am so glad I ran this course and I reached its end. It's summer now. Rest calls. Time to spare myself & family from the hectic pace of doing & accomplishing. I am prepared for God's agenda, not my own. I await great things.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I hope my open heart is helpful to any who have weighed in on this topic. Please respect my honesty and transparency by leaving courteous responses. Thank You! 

death among us

....death has reared it's ugly face.

My family & I are in the midst of grieving the loss of my young mom. She died, unexpectedly, in her sleep. She was only 65. She died of a broken heart, literally & figuratively. Her heart could not fight on any longer. Though her spirit was so willing to do so. There is evidence of her efforts to help others even in her last days. She poured herself into the betterment of others, that they would live abundant, vibrant lives. Her body could not keep up with her noble agenda. This is the reality of this world.

Many have tried to console me by saying things that have comforted them. "It was God's timing" or "He took her home". I beg to differ. It's in my nature......

Since I was a young girl I have had an ever developing relationship with God through Jesus. I have gotten to know Him. I have studied the bible. I am not claiming to know it all, nor be an expert theologian. I do have confidence, though, that God HATES death. He has victory over it. He doesn't partner with it. Nor is He subject to it. We are. We are dying. Some of us are in crazy agreement with it. We need to be rescued. To say that it was "His timing" lends to the idea that she was "meant" to leave, "meant" to die. It is just too vague of a statement for me and disregards the real truth that she was meant to LIVE. We all are meant to live.

God mourns with us when death occurs. He is not "ok" with it. I am saddened that she's not living, not so much that I have loss. Yes, I miss her. But, the grief comes from the depths of knowing that I want life for her. I want life for all my loved ones. Life is precious and highly valued by God.

Unlike us, God has a complete understanding of it all. We can only understand a fragment of what is really going on. He allowed death to have it's moment with my mom. Death brought her to new life. She stepped into an eternity of full glory and joy. God makes beauty from ashes, turns bad things into good things....great things. I think that is why people have tried to say to me what has comforted them. Statements that help grasp some kind of understanding on a very spiritual event. I have immeasurable peace because of my faith. I am comforted knowing, without doubt, that my mom is in the presence of God. That is my comfort and consolation.

God also allows death to confront us. How else would we see the necessity of His offer? He offers life. He is in the business of restoring what was lost. A joyful eternity. A beautifully unfallen, created world. A well lived, supernaturally powered present. Death reared it's ugly face, yet it is the confrontation we need to see how Great God truly is. Not for His sake, but for our sake. He loves us so much that He takes great measures to reach our souls.

Do you know that you can live life safe from death's grip? Do you consider that there is an eternity awaiting you? What is your take on death and the afterlife? and from where have you drawn your conclusions? I encourage you to contemplate this topic. You could check out juststopandthink.com and get a lot of questions answered. Or refer to a good friend that can help find biblical answers. Search the bible. Truth awaits you. I want life for you. God wants life for you. So much so that He rectified our sin, our consequence of death. "For God so loved the world that He sent His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting LIFE." John 3:16 This is a simple, yet compelling, truth that death thinks we will ignore. Grace to you and the life you pursue!

In loving memory of my mom, Linda, and her pursuit of a vibrant, abundant life.